Bedtime questions for the last five minutes of the day

You’ve done the teeth, the story and the glass of water. You’re halfway out of the door. Then, from under the covers: “Can I tell you something?”

Many parents notice that bedtime is when children open up. Educator Deborah Farmer Kris writes that one of her children sometimes calls her back after lights-out to ask “did you have any blahs today?” (a “blah” is the dull or frustrating part of a day). She knows it means there’s something to tell her.

It makes sense. The day is over, there’s nothing else to do and the room is quiet. In the dark, nobody has to look anyone in the eye.

Make it a habit, not a session

Bedtime conversations work best when they’re short and happen often. Five minutes, most nights, is plenty. Children start to expect that time, and anything that’s been on their mind has somewhere to go.

A few things help:

• Keep it calm. Lights low, voices quiet. This is winding down, not a debrief.
• Leave your phone outside. It’s easier to listen when nothing is buzzing.
• Let them lead. If they want to talk about their favourite animal for five minutes, that’s fine too.
• Answer as well. Share the best part of your day, or something you’re looking forward to.

When a worry comes out at bedtime

Sometimes the thing your child wants to say is a worry. Bedtime is often when worries come up, because there’s nothing left to distract from them.

You don’t need to solve it before lights out. Listen, let them know you’ve heard and offer to talk about it properly tomorrow: “Thank you for telling me. Let’s work it out together in the morning.” Then follow through, so they know it was worth saying.

If worries come up most nights, or keep them from sleeping, it’s worth talking to your GP.

Bedtime questions

All of these are from Tuko. Start with something light and finish on something good.

To wind down

• What is your favourite part of your bedtime routine?
• If your bed could fly like a magic carpet where would you go?
• If your pillow recorded your dreams and played them back as cartoons, what would the cartoon be like?
• Tell me about a cool dream you have had.

To look back on the day

• What was the best part of your day today?
• If you could re-live a moment from this week, what would it be?
• What made you feel good about yourself this week?
• What are you thankful for this week?

To end on

• What is something you are really looking forward to?
• What makes you feel safe?
• What is something that helps you if you feel worried?

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Your turn

Tonight, try one question just before lights out, and give your own answer too. Keep it to five minutes.

Tuko is designed to be calm, with no ads and no distractions, so it fits bedtime. There are nearly 700 questions. Try 30 questions free.

Get Tuko on the App Store

Common questions

Why does my child want to talk at bedtime?

The day is over, the house is quiet and there’s nothing else to do. It’s often the first chance they’ve had to think about their day.

What are good questions to ask at bedtime?

Gentle ones: the best part of the day, something they’re looking forward to or a dream they’ve had. Save big problems for the morning.

What if my child uses talking to delay bedtime?

Set a simple limit, such as one question each or five minutes, and stick to it. Many children are happy once they know the time is theirs every night.

Why does my child want to talk at bedtime?

The day is over, the house is quiet and there’s nothing else to do. It’s often the first chance they’ve had to think about their day.

What are good questions to ask at bedtime?

Gentle ones: the best part of the day, something they’re looking forward to or a dream they’ve had. Save big problems for the morning.

What if my child uses talking to delay bedtime?

Set a simple limit, such as one question each or five minutes, and stick to it. Many children are happy once they know the time is theirs every night.

Sources

• Deborah Farmer Kris, “Yay, Oops, Blah”, Parenthood365, 27 September 2022.