Questions your kids can ask you
Most conversation starters put the parent in charge of the questions. Here’s why it’s worth handing them over, and what to say when your child asks.
IN THIS ARTICLE
Most of the questions parents ask their children go one way. We ask, they answer. Even good questions can start to feel like a test that way.
Turn it around and something changes. When your child gets to ask the questions, they’re curious, they’re in charge and they often find out things about you they never knew.
Why two-way questions work
In 1955, psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham described a simple model of how people get to know each other, called the Johari window. It splits what we know about ourselves into four parts: what we both know, what I keep to myself, what others see in me that I don’t, and what nobody knows yet.
The idea is that relationships grow as the first part gets bigger. That happens when we share things about ourselves and hear how other people see us.
It works in both directions. Your child getting to know you is as much a part of a close relationship as you getting to know them. Every question in Tuko is built on this idea, which is why everyone answers, parents included.
What children learn when you answer
When you share honestly, your child learns things about you that make you more real: what scared you as a kid, what you’re proud of, what you find hard. They also learn how to share. If you can say “I got that wrong” or “that made me nervous”, it’s easier for them to say it too.
How to answer well
Be honest, at their level. You don’t need to share everything. Choose what fits their age.
Keep it short. A sentence or two is often enough. If they want more, they’ll ask.
It’s OK to pass. “That’s a good question. Can I tell you when you’re a bit older?” is a fine answer.
Ask them back. Once you’ve answered, turn the question around.
Questions for your kids to ask you
All of these are from Tuko. Some ask your child to guess first, and then you share the real answer.
About when you were young
- What do you think I was like when I was your age?
- What do you think my favourite subject was at school?
- What is the naughtiest thing you think I did as a kid?
- What games do you think I played at school?
- What technology do you think amazed me as a kid?
About you now
- What do you think I enjoy about my job?
- What do you think I worry about?
- What do you think is important to me?
About the two of you
- What parts of your personality do you think are like mine?
- What do you think I find challenging about being your parent?
- What do you think I see in you that you do not always see?
- What is a question you have always wanted to ask me?
The last one can lead anywhere. Be ready for a surprise.
Your turn
Hand the questions over this week. Let your child pick one from the list, guess your answer, then hear the real one.
Tuko is built for this, with nearly 700 questions that everyone answers. Try 30 questions free. If you’d like to know more about the idea behind it, read The Johari Window: the framework behind Tuko.
Common questions
What questions can kids ask their parents?
Questions about your childhood, your job, what you care about and how you see them. Guessing games, where your child guesses your answer first, work especially well.
How much should I share with my child?
Be honest, but pitch it to their age. You can always say you’ll tell them more when they’re older.
Why should parents answer questions too?
Getting to know each other works both ways. When you share, your child learns more about you and finds it easier to share too.
What questions can kids ask their parents?
Questions about your childhood, your job, what you care about and how you see them. Guessing games, where your child guesses your answer first, work especially well.
How much should I share with my child?
Be honest, but pitch it to their age. You can always say you’ll tell them more when they’re older.
Why should parents answer questions too?
Getting to know each other works both ways. When you share, your child learns more about you and finds it easier to share too.
Sources
- Luft, J. and Ingham, H. (1955). The Johari window, a graphic model of interpersonal awareness.