30 questions to ask your kids
that get more than ‘fine’
“How was school?” “Fine.” Sound familiar? It’s not them. It’s the question. Here are 30 better ones, sorted by the moments you’re actually in.
After school
Skip “How was school?”. These give them somewhere to start.
What was the best part of your day today?
If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
How could you help someone who has just joined your class feel welcome?
What do you think makes someone a good teacher?
What do you think my favourite subject was at school?
In the car
Side by side and no eye contact: the car is where kids talk. Keep it light.
If our car could turn into anything, what would you want it to turn into?
Would you rather be invisible or walk through walls?
What do you think mobile phones will be like when you are older?
If you were in charge for a day, what would be one of your rules?
What technology do you think amazed me as a kid?
At dinner
Questions the whole table can answer, grown-ups included.
What is your favourite holiday memory?
What have we done this week that you would like to do more often?
If we could design our own planet, what would it be like?
What flavour ice cream do you think I like?
What does being in a family mean to you?
At bedtime
Lights low, day done. The time for bigger questions.
Tell me about a time when you felt really close to someone.
Tell me about a time when something was difficult but you kept trying anyway.
What is something new we could both learn together?
What do you think I see in you that you do not always see?
What is a question you have always wanted to ask me?
For teenagers
Open, unhurried and never a test. Let them choose how much to say.
What has been on your mind these past few days?
What is something you have had to learn to accept?
What is something that has caused you to change your mind lately?
Has a book, film or song made you feel emotional lately?
If you had all the courage in the world, what would you do differently?
Just for fun
Pure silliness. Laughing together counts as connection too.
If your socks came alive, what do you think they would say about your feet?
If rainbows were actually massive slides, where would they take you?
If books giggled when the story was super funny, which of your books would laugh the most?
If our fridge had feelings, how would it feel about always being cold and full of food?
If your hat could read your mind and shout out your thoughts, when would that be embarrassing?
Questions that work both ways
Five of these questions turn the tables: they ask your child about you. It’s the idea at the heart of Tuko, from the Johari window. We each see things in the other that they can’t see in themselves. When you answer too, it stops being an interview and becomes a conversation.
Read about the Johari window →Three tips
Ask one, then listen.
One good question and a long pause beats five quick ones.
Connecting when words don’t come easily →Match the question to their age.
What works at five can feel patronising at ten.
How to talk to your child at every age →Use the table.
Dinner is the one time most families are in the same place.
Why mealtimes are your secret weapon for connection →There are hundreds more in Tuko, sorted from silly to deep. Try 30 questions free.
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