Why kids talk more in the car
Side by side, no eye contact and a natural end point. Here’s why car trips get children talking, and how to make the most of them.
IN THIS ARTICLE
Many parents notice it. The child who said “nothing” at the dinner table tells you about a falling-out with a friend on the drive to football. A teenager who barely speaks at home opens up on a long drive. When it happens, it’s worth making the most of it.
It isn’t luck. Several things about the car make talking easier.
Why the car works
No eye contact. Looking at a face while you think takes effort. In a small study at the University of Stirling, five-year-olds who were taught to look away while thinking got more tricky questions right than children who weren’t. In the car, nobody has to look at anyone. Your child can look out of the window and think before they answer.
It doesn’t feel like a Big Talk. Sitting across a table from each other can feel formal. Side by side, with the road going past, a conversation can start and stop without anyone making a thing of it.
There’s a natural end point. Every trip finishes. Knowing the conversation won’t go on forever can make a tricky subject easier to bring up.
There’s time to fill. Even a ten-minute school run has quiet stretches. A good question gives that time something to do.
How to make the most of it
- Start light. Begin with something fun or imaginative. Save the deeper questions for when they’re already talking.
- Let them choose the music. Then ask about it. It’s an easy way in.
- Leave the silences. A pause doesn’t mean the conversation is over. Give them a few seconds before you fill it.
- Answer too. If you ask what they’d do if they were invisible for a day, tell them what you’d do. It’s a conversation, not an interview.
- Don’t use the car to corner them. If every hard conversation happens on the drive, the car stops feeling safe. Let them bring things up.
- Come back to it later. If they share something big, listen and don’t rush to fix it. You can pick it up at home: “I’ve been thinking about what you said in the car.”
Questions for the car
All of these are from Tuko. Start at the top and move down when it feels right.
To warm up
- If you could invent a new ice cream flavour, what would it be?
- Would you rather remember everything you read, or everything you hear?
- What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
- What is a weird thought you have had recently?
To get curious
- If our family could travel anywhere in the world, where should we go?
- What have you been daydreaming about recently?
- Tell me two truths and one lie about your week, and I will try and guess the lie.
- What is a question you have always wanted to ask me?
To go a bit deeper
- What has been on your mind these past few days?
- Is there a chat we started recently that we didn’t get to finish?
- When do you find it easier to open up to me?
Hands on the wheel
If you’re driving, you shouldn’t be reading questions off a phone. Tuko works with Siri, so you don’t have to. Say “Ask Tuko for a question” and Siri will read one out. You can ask for a type too, such as “Ask Tuko for a Wacky question”, or say “Bookmark this question in Tuko” to save a good one for later. A passenger can also take charge of the app.
Your turn
Next time you’re in the car together, try one warm-up question before the radio goes on, and answer it yourself.
Tuko has nearly 700 questions for car trips, mealtimes and bedtime. Try 30 questions free.
Common questions
Why do kids open up in the car?
There’s no eye contact, you’re side by side rather than face to face and the trip has a natural end. Together, that makes talking feel lower-pressure.
What are good questions to ask kids in the car?
Start with light, imaginative questions, then move to questions about their week once they’re talking. There’s a list above to get you started.
Is the car a good place for difficult conversations?
Sometimes, but don’t make a habit of it. If the car becomes where every hard talk happens, children may start to dread it. Let them lead.
Does this work with teenagers?
Many parents of teenagers find the car is one of the few places their child still talks. Keep it low-key and let them choose the music.
Why do kids open up in the car?
There’s no eye contact, you’re side by side rather than face to face and the trip has a natural end. Together, that makes talking feel lower-pressure.
What are good questions to ask kids in the car?
Start with light, imaginative questions, then move to questions about their week once they’re talking. There’s a list above to get you started.
Is the car a good place for difficult conversations?
Sometimes, but don’t make a habit of it. If the car becomes where every hard talk happens, children may start to dread it. Let them lead.
Does this work with teenagers?
Many parents of teenagers find the car is one of the few places their child still talks. Keep it low-key and let them choose the music.
Sources
- Phelps, F., Doherty-Sneddon, G. and Warnock, H. (2006). Helping children think: gaze aversion and teaching. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 24(3), 577–588.
- Live Science, “Looking away helps concentration”, September 2006.